Friday, October 07, 2005

i'm not sure anyone's gonna find the interview funny, but it cracked me up real good :D

playboy: do you have any plans to quit smoking?

depp: nah. i think if you find something you're good at, you should stick with it. i've switched to lights, though. it got to where i would wheeze going up a flight of stairs, so i went to diet cigarettes.

playboy: some female fans love you enough to send you highly personal mementos.

depp: nude pictures in the mail, yes. tons of them. some are beautiful -- nicely lit, black-and-white, mysterious. some are out-and-out primitive. then there are the pubes. i've gotten a lot of pubic hairs in the mail. i don't save them. i guess you could get ritualistic about it, burn the pubes in a fire, but i'm not sure i want to touch them so i throw them away.

playboy: how does it feel to be so handsome that women yank out their pubes for you?

depp: i have no control over that. it's demeaning when people talk about my looks. i think i usually look like shit, and most people would probably agree.

playboy: the tabs have linked you with other celebrities, including madonna.

depp: i read that i was in bed with her, which is a ton of shit. i've met her and it went like this: 'how'd you do?' 'hello how are you?'. now when anyone asks me about my affair with madonna i say no, wrong -- it was the pope. he swept me off my feet.

playboy: for the record, how did you get under the robes of john paul II?

depp: well, he's shy. i didn't want to push too hard, but we shared a bottle of wine and i can tell you, the man is a great kisser. watch him when he gets off a plane. he'll really give that runway a good one.

playboy: you're known for dodging attention by using fake names when you check into hotels. but your pseudonyms make good copy. mr donkey penis?

depp: it's just that if you register as mr poopy, for instance, you get a funny wake-up call. i used to use the name mr stench; it was funny to be in a posh hotel and hear a very proper concierge call out, 'mr stench, please!' i never really stayed under the name donkey penis. that was an example i mentioned to a reporter once. but i've been roid, emma roid.

-weikee

the class united @ 12:19 AM